Greyscale
by ProcrastinationQueen
Summary: She did not want to get up and face this day. She just wanted to hide under the covers and pretend everything was as it had been.


**Summary:** She did not want to get up and face this day. She just wanted to hide under the covers and pretend everything was as it had been.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own a thing here. Just borrowing.

Note: This is my first shot at writing one of these. Please let me know what you think!

**Greyscale**

"Help me Jo-Jo!"

Joan turned toward the cry and saw Judith, wearing her sweater and covered in blood, calling out to her, pleading with her. She started to run toward her, but no matter how fast she ran, she never got any closer.

"Judith!" she cried, but as she ran, Judith's figure grew fainter and fainter until it disappeared altogether into the darkness. "No! No! Judith!"

Joan faintly heard her name being called. "I'm sorry, Judith", she whimpered, "I'm sorry." She heard her name being called again, louder this time. "Joan, honey, wake up! You're having a nightmare."

Joan opened her eyes and saw her mother sitting on the bed next to her trying to rouse her.

"You were having another bad dream", Helen said, as she smoothed Joan's hair and wiped the tears from her cheek. "It's going to be ok, sweetheart."

"No mom", Joan said, starting to cry again. "It's not. It was real. It's real."

Helen held her crying, trembling daughter tightly in her arms and exchanged a sad, worried glance with Will, who stood next to her. Kevin and Luke were at the doorway watching their sister with concern.

Joan awoke a few hours later to the sound of heavy rain hitting the window. "How appropriate", she thought as she sat up and looked out the window. It looked as cold and grey outside as she felt. She did not want to get up and face this day. She just wanted to hide under the covers and pretend everything was as it had been. She heard a light knock on the door and heard the knob turn as her mother opened it and took a step inside the room. "Joan, you need to start getting ready. We have to leave for the funeral in less than an hour." A slight nod was all Helen received to indicate that Joan had heard her.

Forty five minutes later, Helen was about to go upstairs again when she heard Joan's bedroom door open. Will, Kevin, and Luke were putting on their coats as Joan came downstairs. She wordlessly put on her coat and headed out to the car without even looking at any of her family.

Once at the funeral home, the family joined the line of mourners filing into the room where the service was to be held. When they reached Judith's parents, Fran hugged Joan tightly. "I'm so glad she had you for a friend, Joan. So glad." Joan returned the hug, but didn't know what to say. She glanced in the direction of the casket, but quickly looked away. She couldn't believe this was all really happening.

The funeral director led them to their seats, and Adam came to sit next to Joan. She didn't say anything, but when he took her hand, she leaned her head on his shoulder. Someone, Judith's dad he thought, asked her if she wanted to say anything during the service. She just shook her head a little as her eyes filled with tears. He was worried about her. She looked so pale.

For Joan, the service went by in a fog. She heard voices speaking, but not what they were saying. She almost felt like she was drowning. She was happy Adam was next to her. At least he felt real. She held his hand a little tighter and felt him squeeze hers in return.

After the service, she watched as people filed past the casket on their way out. She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder and looked up at her mother. "Honey, you should go up and say goodbye. You will wish you had if you don't." Joan vaguely heard Adam tell her he'd be waiting outside as she stood, a bit unsteadily, and moved slowly forward with her mother close beside her. She stood motionless in front of the casket, looking at Judith. They'd put too much makeup on her, as if that could make her look like she was alive and sleeping or something, but she was too still. She wasn't sleeping, no matter how much Joan wished she were. She reached into the pocket of her coat and pulled out a small stuffed sea turtle. "She doesn't like being alone", she said softly as she put the toy in the casket. She took one last look at her friend's face and left the room.

The drive to the cemetery and the graveside service passed in much the same way as the funeral had - in a surreal haze. After the service, Joan couldn't move, even after the rest of the mourners had left. Her family had retreated to the car to give her a few moments alone as she sat frozen in her seat, her gaze fixed on the silver casket that held her friend's body. A cemetery employee began to gather up chairs and stopped next to her.

"She's not there, Joan."

"I keep dreaming I should have saved her somehow."

"But you did. You saved her in so many ways. You helped her to want to live."

"Yeah, well. That did her a lot of good, now didn't it."

"It did. The last couple of months, she was as happy as she'd been in a very long time. That's because of you. You were the proverbial ray of sunshine in her life. And she loved you for it."

"I loved her too, but now that's gone."

"Love doesn't end with death, Joan. It's beyond all that. It's bigger than any possible boundary could contain, bigger than the universe itself, and even bigger than the hurt that feels like it will overwhelm you now."

"Is it bigger than You?"

"It is Me."


End file.
